I’m late with a blog post this month because quite honestly, I didn’t know what to write…
Sure, I have lots of ideas…packing tips, tips for how to book your own trips, etc. But I have to be honest; Covid-19 has put me into a “slump”. Trust me, I’m tired of reading and hearing about it and I’m sure everyone else is too, but I’m hoping if I write about how I’m feeling right now, maybe it’ll make me feel better. Or at least make someone else feel better.
I have a lot to be grateful for. As an ER nurse, although my job is insanely stressful and exhausting right now, I’m thankful to have a job people consider “essential”. There’s a lot of people out there right now that don’t, and I feel terrible for them. There are kids out there that counted on school to get away from abusive families, for their next meal, to learn and better their future. I feel for them. There are seniors missing out on their last prom, the last chance to play a sport they love, the chance for their families to watch them walk across the stage and receive their diploma. I feel for them. There are dad’s who can’t go to doctor appointments to see the child they’re expecting on an ultrasound. There are elderly people in nursing home who aren’t allowed visits from their families.
I guess what I’m trying to say is although I feel grateful, I also feel guilty. Guilty because I miss going to the movies. I miss going to the mall. I miss sitting down and eating at a restaurant. I miss my grandparents (who I’ve chosen not to see because I can’t stand the thought of exposing them). Heck, I miss flying on a plane. I was supposed to go to Germany at the beginning of this month and visit one of my best friends that I haven’t seen in almost two years and unfortunately had to postpone the trip. I got flight credit, but who knows when I can use it??
I miss getting to take care of my patients without wearing a mask 24/7. I’m tired of being afraid of bringing this virus home to my family. When I first became a nurse, I never expected for this to be something I would have to deal with. While I have a great work family, it doesn’t change the fact that some days I come home from work mentally and physically drained.
I’m tired of sitting at home. Do ya’ll know how many times I’ve cleaned my house? It’s been great. I have nothing else to do except clean and get projects done that have been put off. But I’m still tired of it. I want to go places and do things and socialize, not sweep the floor for the third time in a week.
I really don’t even know where I’m going with this blog post. I’m just tired of it and ready for it to be over. I know everyone else is too. I wanted 2020 to be one of my best years yet. But I feel guilty knowing there are people that have it FAR worse than me. But you know what? In times like this, it is perfectly okay to pity yourself. You’re ALLOWED to miss things and the people you love. You’re human, you’re not perfect, don’t pretend to be. You can cry for your kids that can’t have big birthday parties. You can cry about that vacation you so desperately needed. Heck, you can cry about not being able to go to TJ Maxx (I’ve been close, lol).
I’m trying to accept that even though I feel guilty, it’s okay for me to miss what I used to consider “normal”. I hope everyone else can accept that about themselves, too. You don’t have to hide it. I hope that if you read this, you can understand that.
I made the cover for this blog post a picture of me from one of my favorite trips, a group dive trip we took to Bonaire. Because I was happy there, doing what I love, and I know one day we will all be able to do that again. Hopefully soon. Covid-19, we are tired of you.
I encourage you all to share what you’re missing during these difficult times. Hopefully I’ll be able to share my travels again with you all soon! 🙂 In the meantime please remember to socially distance as much as possible, wash your hands, and stay home if you can!